What is Your Heart Like ? ( C )

From my previous posted on 29 December 2009,we learned from the Song of Moses ( Deuteronomy 32 :1-15 ) that the first step in the cure for a calloused heart is to listen to God’s word. We need  constant  exposure to Biblical truths. As we fill our minds with God’s word , we must also know God Himself. We need to know that God who formed us has a plan for our lives. God is our security and will always be faithful to us.

Let’s now continue with the remaining steps to cure a calloused heart:-

C) Remember what God did for you (verses 7-14)

Verse 7 says, “Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past.  Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders and they will explain to you” (verse 7).When you remember what God did for you, a sense of gratefulness will fill your heart and it won’t be calloused.   When you can praise and thank Him, you will always be sensitive to God in your life.

God guarded you as the apple of His eye (verse 10) which is the most sensitive part of a person.  When someone hurts you, God is hurt because you are the apple of His eye.  He looks out for you and hurts when your hurt.  Such is His care for you.

(D) God is training you in your trials

In verse 11, we have the picture of an eagle stirring its nest so as to dislodge its young from their comfortable surroundings. The eagle does this to teach them to fly. As the young eagles go into a free fall and desperately flaps its small wings to try to fly, the eagle hovers over its young.  Just when the young eagles get exhausted from trying ,the eagle spreads its wings , swoops under them , to catch them and carry them on its wings. 

Similarly, God will stir the comfortable nest you are in and let you go into a free fall so that you can learn to trust Him.  He will always catch you, carry you on eagles’ wings and bring you to Himself (Exodus 19:4). 

When you grow in trust, you will mount up with wings like eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).   In all your trials, remember that God is training you to trust Him.

(E) Beware of fatness in your life (verse 15)

Moses warned in verse 15 that Jeshurun (Israel) grew fat (calloused) filled with food, became heavy and sleek.  He abandoned God who made him and rejected the Rock, his Saviour.  When times are good, don’t be complacent as your heart will be calloused due to the fatness in your life. 

In good times, don’t be proud. Instead,be grateful.  Be thankful as all that you have is from the Lord.  When you forget His blessings, you will develop a calloused heart.

Don’t Mourn, Move On!

1.         A chance to change the past

Today is the first day of 2010. Instead of continuing with my previous topic on ” What Is Your Heart Like ?” I decided to write a blog for all of us who stand  at the brink of a new year.

Let me begin. I once asked a group of Christians, “if you have a time travel machine, would you prefer to travel back to your past or ‘travel forward to your future”  Based on their responses, I could see that most of them prefer to travel back to their past.  Why is that so?  I think it’s because they have many regrets, hurts, disappointments, grievances etc which they hope to be able to change now that they have the chance to change it.

2.         Continue to dwell on the past

We all live with a past which we sometimes wish we never had.  Where possible, we wish we could redo the past and save ourselves the pain we now carry.  Perhaps there were words we should not have said as they now leave emotional scars in those who heard us.  Or there were actions which we should have taken that would have prevented us from experiencing the troubles and regrets we now have.  The reality is that although we can’t change the past, we continue to dwell on the past. 

Is that the way God wants us to live?  To dwell on the past?  To replay in our minds the things that might have been?

3.         Forget the past, don’t live in it

In Isaiah 43:18-19, God advises us “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing”.  God is telling us to forget the past and don’t live in it.  What’s done is done.  Now, as we stand at the brink of a new year, we need to take God’s advice to move on.  Our Lord is saying to us, “Forget the past.  Focus on the future.  I am doing something new in your life”.

4.         Mourning over what you can’t control

For many of us, it’s not easy to forget the past.  Take the godly man Samuel for instance.  In 1 Samuel 15:35, the Bible records that Samuel mourned for King Saul.   Samuel mourned for Saul not because Saul died.  He mourned because Saul had made a bad decision which cost him his kingship. Samuel mourned over someone elses’  decision which he had no control over.

Are you mourning over the decisions others made which you can’t control?  Did you wish your loved ones had not decided the way they did?  Did you hope your company had not pursued the corporate policies which they had chosen? 

Take a reality check. They had decided.  It’s done. You can mourn all you want but they are not going to change. In fact, they are carrying on with their lives but you are not carrying on with yours.  You have no control over what they do but you do have control over what you do

5.         Follow God’s example – move on!

In 1 Samuel 15:35, the Bible records that the Lord was grieved by Saul’s bad decision.  But God moved on.  In 1 Samuel 16:1, God asked Samuel, “How long will you mourn….I am sending you to…Bethlehem.  I have chosen [David] to be [the next] king.”

From this story, you can see that while Samuel mourned, God moved on!  God grieved over Saul’s bad decision but He went on to do something new.  However for Samuel, he mourned   for Saul till the day he died. We can learn from God’s example.   Grieve over the bad choices but don’t stay in your grief.

 6.    How to symbolically surrender your past to God

Surrender to God your past which still hurts you. Let me tell you how to do this symbolically. Take a sheet of paper and write on it all your past hurts ,regrets, guilt etc. After you have written on this paper, burn it. As it burns , see it as your ‘ burnt offering ‘ to God.

You let go of your past to your God  who promises you that  He will forgive your past and will remember your sins no more. ( Hebrews 8:12). As you look at the ashes, remember, God  ”gives you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness” ( Isaiah 61:3 NKJV)

7.     How to move on with God

Now take another sheet of paper. Write on it how you want to move on with God into the new year. In Isaiah 43:19, God promised, ” See, I am doing a  new thing ! ” Your God sees what you write and knows your heart’s  desires . Trust Him to do for you what He knows is good for you.When you ask Him to lead you into the future, God who ” began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ” ( Philippians 1:6)

As you enter the new year, remember God’s advice, “Don’t mourn. Move on! ” Forget the past.  Focus on the future. Follow Him. God is doing something new in your life.

What Is Your Heart Like? (B)

Previously, I said that the condition of a Christian’s heart will determine how he responds to troubles in his life.  We won’t handle our troubles well if we have the following types of hearts  explained in the Parable Of The Sower- a calloused heart which is a hardened heart (the path), a rootless heart (the rocky places) or a fattened heart (the thorny places).  To deal with the stresses of life, we need  a spiritual heart (the good soil) and not a calloused heart.

1.   Cure for a calloused heart

How then can we have a cure for a calloused heart?  We can learn from Moses who understood how to deal with calloused hearts because the Israelites whom he led had calloused hearts.  In Deuteronomy  32:1-15 entitled the Song of Moses, we can learn the cure for calloused hearts:-

(A) Listen to God’s words (verses 1-2)

Listen and hear the words of God (verse 1).  Let His teachings fill you and saturate you like the rainfall on parched grass and plants (verse 2).  If we are to avoid having a calloused heart, we need to be sensitive to God’s word and fill our minds with His truths.  That’s why the constant picture in the Parable of the Sower is that of a Sower scattering seed (the Word of God).

(i) How to be exposed to God’s word

Read the Bible, study it, meditate on its truths, read Christian books, listen to Biblical teachings from cds, watch dvds that record Biblical teachings or give you a visual impression of the Bible.  We need to be exposed to  Biblical truths. 

The Bible says faith comes from hearing the message and the message is heard through the Word of Christ (Romans 10:17).  This Word of Christ is the ‘rehema’, the fresh and impactful truths of God’s word for a particular moment in your life.  The ‘rehema’ comes when you have spent time taking in the word, meditating on it and then the Holy Spirit draw these truths out of your spirit and apply them to your situation (John 16:15).

How can He take out what you have never put in?  Fill yourself with God’s word.  If you can spend hours watching T.V, why not carve out some time to watch a DVD on Christian truths?  Such watching will benefit you greatly.

  (B)Know God’s Character (verses 4-6)

In addition to taking in the Word, you need to know the Sower of the Word.  What is God’s character?  Verse 4 says that God is the Rock.  He is your security.  You don’t need to find your security and value in people, position or things.  You need to know the fact that God loves you and will be your security.

The verse goes on to say that God’s works are perfect and all His ways are just.  When you are confused and don’t understand what’s happening in your situation, just remember that God’s dealings with you are always fair and just.  The troubles in your life are meant by God to perfect you or in other words, to shape your character so that you are ready for the heavenly life to come.

Verse 4 also says that God is faithful.  In your troubles, He will never let you be tested beyond what you can bear.  With every problem, there is a solution.  Just as you are being tested, the solution is there hidden in your midst or it’s on its way (1 Corinthian 10:13).

Verse 6 tells you that God created you.  He made you and formed you.  If He bothered to bring you into this earth, He must have a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11).  You are not an accident.  You are here for a purpose.  Ask God to show you what He wants to do in your life.  Submit to Him and let Him have His ways because He is fair, faithful and full of love for you.

In our next blog , we will outline the remaining steps to cure a calloused heart.

What Is Your Heart Like? (A)

 

1.   Different response to problems

When troubles strike, why do some Christians respond better than others?  Why do some Christians cave in when their problems hit them while others are able to maintain a faithful attitude?  Both groups of Christians hear God’s word through Bible teachings, sermons, tapes, cds, dvds, etc and yet they would respond differently to the same unpleasant situation.

2.   Condition of their heart

Jesus explained why some Christians are able to trust God’ truths while others find it hard to do so.  He said in Matthew 13:15, “For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.”  Jesus explained that though all believers hear the word of God, the word has different impact on their lives because of the condition of their hearts.

3.   A calloused heart

The Greek word for heart is ‘kardia’ which is the soul or the mind, the seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavours.

The Greek word for calloused is ‘pachyno’ which is to make thick, to make fat, fatten. It is a metaphor – to make stupid (to render the soul dull or callous).

Jesus warned that our hearts can become so thick, fatten or dull that when we hear God’s word, we actually don’t understand how its truths apply to our situation.  When we have such calloused hearts, we can be exposed to the Word of God but it produces no change in our lives.

4.   The 4 conditions of hearts described in the Parable of the Sower

(Matthew 13:1-23)

How can we hear God’s word and not experience the change we want in our lives? Jesus tells us why this can be so in the Parable of the Sower.  Here, Jesus describes the 4 conditions of our hearts which determine how beneficial the hearing of God’s word can be:-

(a) The path (hardened heart)

The path is a hardened place.  It represents the heart that is hardened by bitterness, anger, hurts, rejection.  It is a heart that has been stepped upon by many people and it has become so hard that God’s truths cannot even gain an entry.  Just when the Word of God is sown, the devil snatches it away.  Is your heart so harden by your past unpleasant experiences that you can’t believe God’s word can help you in your  situation?

(b) The rocky places (rootless heart)

The rocky places are rootless hearts that receive God’s word with joy when they first hear it.  A person with such a heart likes to hear God’s word, enjoys Bible Study and listens to sermons.  But when troubles or persecutions come, the person can’t see how the Biblical truths can help him in his situation.  He simply gives up because he can’t see the connection with the truths he hears.  He knows from the Bible that a Christian should trust in God and yet he can’t trust because the trouble he is facing seems so overwhelming

(c)  The thorny places (fattened heart)

The thorny places are hearts that first received the word but the worries of life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires of other things come in and choke the Word, making it unfruitful.   People with such hearts are not in a disadvantaged position.  In fact, they can be in a materially advantaged position and still have a fatten heart, a heart filled with earthly security of wealth and getting what one desires.

In Nehemiah 9:25 (NASB) their condition was described as “they ate, were filled and grew fat.”  This description of the calloused heart as a fattened heart is again repeated in Jeremiah 5:28 which says “wicked men who became rich and powerful, (grew) fat and sleek.”  Therefore, a calloused heart is not only a heart in bitter conditions but also a heart in better conditions. When things are going well with us, we need to also beware of developing a calloused heart.

(d) The good soil (spiritual heart)       

The good soil is a spiritual heart that hears the word, understands it and practices its truths (Matthew 7:24-27).  When your heart is ready to trust the truths of God, you will be able to respond in faith to the difficult circumstances that surround you. 

Now that you understand the dangers of a calloused heart, we will explain in the next blog the cure for a calloused heart which is also the characteristics of a spiritual heart.

At The End Of Your Rope? (B)

I wrote previously that when you are at the end of your rope, just remember, “God is at the other end pulling you up”.  From King Jehoshaphat,we learned to deal with our troubles by having the following attitudes:-

(A)       Let God do what you can’t do.

(B)       Admit you are powerless and be fully dependent on God.

(C)       Admit you don’t know what to do and trust God to help you.

(D)       Focus on God and not on your problems.         

1.   The battle is not yours

You have often been told to be responsible.  You are responsible for controlling your emotions.  You are responsible for caring for your family.  You are responsible for doing a fine job.  But let me say, you are not responsible for overcoming the troubles facing you.  I say this to Christians who have turned to God for help after admitting their faults and receiving His forgiveness.  There will be a fresh start.  There will be a fresh perspective.

When King Jehoshaphat focused on God, the Lord gave him a fresh perspective by saying, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s (2 Chronicles 20:15).  When you are facing troubles, remember a loving God telling you, “This battle is not yours.  You may have gotten into this trouble unwittingly.  But you don’t have to be responsible for overcoming this trouble now that you have repented and relied on me to see you through”.

2.   Take up your position

Although King Jehoshaphat now has a fresh perspective, he still needed to do his part.  He was told, “Tomorrow, march down against them….. You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your position; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you… Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” (2 Chronicles 20:16-17).

God still requires you to face your troubles and to face them with a deep assurance that He will be with you.  No matter how menacing the troubles may be, in spite of their threats and continued pressures, the Lord wants you to still take up your position and stand firm.  You still need to go on with your life and not allow the troubles to intimidate you.

3.   Worship and not worry

Even as he prepared himself to face his troubles, King Jehoshaphat knew that the battlefield was not outside of himself but was inside his mind.  To deal with the battle in his mind, he “bowed with his face to the ground….fell down in worship before the Lord….and praised the Lord….with very loud voice”. (2 Chronicles 20:18-19).  Instead of worrying, he worshipped God,.He dealt with the battle in his mind.  His worship crowded out his worry.  He filled his mind with God’s word and could say “Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld” (2 Chronicles 20:20).

Like King Jehoshaphat, don’t crowd your mind with worry.  Worship instead.  Let your thoughts dwell on God instead of your troubles.  You are expending the same mental energy worrying.  You might as well be worshipping because the truth is that the Lord will help you.  When you worry, it’s the devil that gets the worship and he isn’t helping you.

4.   The Lord will sort out your troubles

When King Jehoshaphat worshipped , he gave thanks to the Lord because God’s love endures forever.  The Lord then set up ambushes and the enemies destroyed one another (2 Chronicles 20:21-22).  When you have a grateful heart and trust the Lord for loving you, He will first sort out internally the troubles in your mind and then deal externally with your circumstances.

God knows best how He will sort out your trouble.  He also knows best as to when He will deliver you.  He is more interested in shaping your trust in Him than in sorting out your trouble.  When God thinks you have learned enough, He will start His deliverance. 

Still feel you are at the end of your rope?  Just remember that God is at the other end holding you up.

At The End Of Your Rope? (A)

1.   God is at the other end

Sometimes troubles hit you so badly that you feel you are at the end of the rope.  You tried your very best to solve them and they seem to subside for a while only to reemerge more menacing than ever.  Do you ever feel like that?  Do you feel so exhausted doing your utmost to handle your troubles only to see that they don’t go away?  If you are at the end of your rope, just remember this – “God is at the other end pulling you up.”

2.         Let God do what you can’t do

In (2 Chronicles 20:1-23), we read that King Jehoshaphat was facing mounting troubles.  A vast army was coming against him and he was alarmed (verse 3).  He was at the end of his rope.  He didn’t know what else to do.  When he didn’t know what else to do, he reached a point where God could do it for him.  When he became desperate and ran out of ideas, he was able to let go and let God take over.  He learned one basic truth which we also need to learn, “Let God do what you can’t do”.

3.         Admit you are powerless

Let’s look at the steps taken by King Jehoshaphat when he was at the end of his rope.  Firstly, he admitted that they had no power to face the vast army that was attacking them (2 Chronicles 20:12).  When you admit that you are powerless, you tap into the mighty resources of the Kingdom of God.  In Matthew 5:3, we are told, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.  When you are poor in spirit (truly desperate), you open up the resources of God because now God has you where He wants you to be , i.e. be fully dependent on Him and not yourself.

Paul knew this secret of tapping into God’s unlimited resources.  In 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, he admitted that they were “under great pressure, far beyond their ability to endure so that [they] despaired even of life…..but [these pressurized circumstances] happened so that [they] might not rely on [themselves] but on God.”

Therefore, like King Jehoshaphat and Paul, when you admit that you are powerless, you start to draw on the unlimited power of God.

4.         Admit you don’t know what to do

When you still have a number of untried options left, God can’t help you either.  You are not helpless yet.  You are still relying on your ideas.  It’s when you humbly admit to God that you don’t know what else to do (2 Chronicles 20:12) you are ready to receive His help.  Not only are you admitting you are powerless (which is a right attitude of mind), you are also admitting you have no other options but to trust in God to help you in your troubles.

5.         Focus on God

After admitting that he was powerless and didn’t know what to do, King Jehoshaphat said “our eyes are upon you (2 Chronicles 20:12).  He focused on God and not on his problems.  He had tried earlier to focus on his problems but they didn’t go away.  Since that obviously didn’t work, he tried to focus on God.  When he decided to wait upon the Lord, the situation began to change.

Focus on God and not on your problems.  When you do so, you discover that God is at the other end of the rope to pull you up.  In our next blog, we will see what else you can do when you are at the end of the rope.

Turn Your “Why?” Into “What”

 

1.   Why? Why? Why?

When troubles strike us, it is most natural to ask “Why me, Lord?”   ,“Why does it have to happen this way to me?”  or “Why can’t there be a way out of this mess for me?”  We keep asking the “why” question hoping to find answers to the troubles we are in.  But in asking “why?” we are also revealing an attitude of “it should not happen to me!  It should not happen this way!  There should be a way out but I’m not finding it!”

2.         Self-centred question

Such underlying frustrations are directed at God.  They tantamount to telling God, “It should happen to others, but not me”.  This attitude tends to be self-centred.  It’s as if we are agreeing with Jesus’ statement that “In this world you will have trouble” [John 16:33] but “why must it happen to me?”

3.         Shift your focus from yourself to God

We can learn from Paul how we should respond when trouble strikes.  In Acts 22:6-11, Paul was testifying about how he first met the Lord.  He was on the road to Damascus when he was struck blind.  Instead of asking “Why did this happen to me?” he asked “What shall I do, Lord” [verse 10].  He shifted his focus from himself to God. He turned his “why?” into a “what?”

4.         Filtered through God’s heart of love for you

We too should learn that when trouble strikes us, we should not ask “why?” but instead ask the “what?” question.  We should turn our “why?” into “what?” We should ask, “What shall I do, Lord?”  In this way, you are acknowledging that the Lord is in control.  There is nothing that can happen to you without it first being filtered through God’s heart of love for you.  No trouble or hardship can ever separate you from God’s love for you [Romans 8:35].

5.         Submitting to the Lord

When you ask the question “What shall I do, Lord?” you are submitting to the Lord.  You are implicitly saying “I trust you Lord in allowing this to happen to me.  I don’t understand what you are doing now in my life but I will understand later [John 13:7].  You will rescue me in my trouble.  You will be with me in my trouble [Psalm 91:14-15].  You will never leave me or forsake me.  You are my helper, I will not be afraid what can man do to me [Hebrews 13:5-6].

Declare these aforementioned words of confidence in the Lord.  It will help you face your troubles with the endurance and encouragement from the Lord through His Scriptures [Romans 15:4-5].

What Questions Do You Ask In Your Relationships? (C)

 

We have been reading about questions some people ask in their relationships.  The first question “What can you do for me?” is a self-centred one and relationships based on such a question cannot last.  The second question “What more is there for me?” is also a self-centred question and relationships based on such a question soon become tiresome as we are all wired for discontentment.

1.   What more can I learn from you?

In this blog we will look at the third question which we can ask in our relationships,namely, “What more can I learn from you?”  This question is not self-centred but others centred.  It moves from focusing on what satisfaction you can gain from the relationship to one in which you keep a sense of discovery, a sense of wonder.

2.   Be a disciple at heart

To learn from others is to have a heart of discipleship.  A disciple who is a follower of Christ is a learner.  In the Great Commission outlined in Matthew 28:19, Jesus told us to “make disciples”.  We are to be disciples and not Christians or church goers.  We are not even asked to be followers.   We are asked to be disciples, people who have a heart for learning.

3.   Learn God’s thinking

What then are we to learn?  We are to learn a new way of thinking.  No longer are we following the relationship patterns of this world (which are self-centred) but we are to learn to renew our minds and learn the pattern of God’s thinking (Romans 12:2).  We learn to think like God and see our situations from His perspective.

4.   The Holy Spirit helps us learn to think like God

When we first become a disciple of Christ, we already have the potential to learn to think like God.  The Bible says that we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16).  The Holy Spirit lives in us (1 Corinthians 3:16) and will guide us into all truth.  He will take the thoughts of Jesus and make it known to us (John 16:13-14).  This is a supernatural act of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

5.   Learn the order of love

To learn to think like God and let the Holy Spirit make God’s truths real in your life, we need to read, study and meditate on Biblical truths.  We need to have God’s word in us.  When we learn first from the Bible about relationships, we will then be able to relate better to one another.  For instance, Matthew 22:37-40 tells us that there are 3 important relationships, namely, love God, love others, love yourself.  We need to learn that this is the order of love in relationships.  Before we can love someone else, we need to love God and receive His love.  When we receive His love and forgiveness, we can then love and forgive those who hurt us (Luke 11:4).

6.   Turn first to God

When you face troubles in your relationship, don’t focus on  repairing your relationship.  Instead, you should first look to repairing your relationship with God.  For instance, someone hurts you and you are angry with that person.  Because that person is a relative,  it is natural to   want to make peace with that person   But this is not the Biblical approach.  First, you need to repent before God of your anger and ask for His help.  Then with His strength you learn to forgive the person who hurt you.  When you turn first to God and seek Him, He will be able to help you with your troubled relationships.

If we are to have strong relationships with others, we need to learn first from God Himself.  When we can learn from Him, we will develop a spirit of discipleship which will enable us to also learn from others.  No matter who the other person is, whether they be parents, children, friends, colleagues, we can learn from them because we first learn from God Himself, the Creator and Sustainer of all relationships.

What Questions Do You Ask In Your Relationships? (B)

 

In the previous blog, I said that the questions you ask in your relationships  reveal the motivation that keeps your relationship going.  If you ask the question, “What can you do for me?” the relationship can last as long as you are satisfied by what the other person (s) can do for you in the relationship.  If there is nothing more for you in the relationships, it soon comes to an end.

1.   What more is there for me?

Another question some people ask in their relationship is “What more is there for me?”  When you ask such a question, you are seeking more from the relationship than what it now offers you.  The relationship has become routine and even to the extent of boring.  There is no more excitement.  What once drew you to the relationship has disappeared.

2.         Wired for discontentment

I believe many people’s brains are wired for discontentment.  When they initially enter a relationship, there is a sense of discovery.  The attraction of the initial encounter keeps a person going.  But before long, the relationship tires.  There is no more the excitement which once drew them to the relationship.

3.         The miracle becomes common

Take the story of how the Israelites first discovered the miracle of ‘manna’ (Exodus 16) which was the bread given to them from heaven to sustain them.  As they got used to receiving the manna this miracle became common.  In Numbers 11:6, the Israelites complained “Now we have lost our appetite, we never see anything but this manna!”  This story illustrates how the human brain is wired for discontentment.  People are not easily contented.  They tend to ask “What more is there for me?”

When such an attitude creeps into our relationships, problems can arise.  For instance, after some years in marriage, the woman you married is no longer the young lady you courted.  When your child brings back exam grades of 75 marks out of a hundred marks, you ask “What more is there?” forgetting that the child had come from barely passing to the current 75 marks.  When you first move into your 5 room HDB flat, you were thrilled.  Now you think you ought to be in private housing.  You keep on asking, “What more is there for me?”

4.         In God, we have enough

To overcome this attitude of discontentment, we need to learn God’s perspective on this issue.  Paul said “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  He “learned the secret of being content with what he had because he knew he had a God who would never leave him or forsake him” (Hebrews 13:5).  His contentment came from having God and not better circumstances or better relationships.

Like Paul, we take our eyes off ourselves and fix it on God.  We discover that in God, we always have enough.  Again, we don’t ask for more out of our relationships because we know we are sufficient in God alone (2 Corinthians 12:9)

In our next blog, we will ask the third question about relationships.

What Questions Do You Ask In Your Relationships? (A)

 

1.   What can you do for me?

I can think of 3 questions some people could ask in their relationships.  They may not be conscious of these questions but what motivates them to carry on a relationship can be traced down to these 3 questions:-

(1)               What can you do for me?

(2)               What more is there for me?

(3)               What more can I learn from you?

For this first blog, we will look at the question “What can you do for me?”

2.   What can you do for me?

For many people, they stay on in a relationship because they get something out of the relationship which they want.  When they work for a company, they ask the company, “What can you do for me?”  Such a question is centred on self .

3.   Self-centred question

When this same self centred question is asked in a personal relationship, a problem can build up.  When a husband asks his wife, “What can you do for me?” their relationship can last only as long as the wife can meet her husband’s requirements.  If there comes a time when the husband finds out that his wife cannot do what he wants, the marriage will be under stress.  For instance, when he expects respect from his wife and doesn’t get it, he may turn to another woman who gives him the respect he wants.  When this happens, the chances of extra marital affairs greatly increase.

4.   Setting yourself up for failure

If you asks the question “What can you do for me?” in your relationships, you are setting yourself up for failure because no one person can meet all your needs.  It is only God who is sufficient to meet your needs (Philippians 4:19).  Only the Lord can satisfy all your needs (Isaiah 58:11).

5.   Only Jesus can satisfy

After Jesus fed the 5000 (John 6:1-14), the crowds continued to look for Him.  They were not looking for Him for His sake but rather for their own sake.  In John 6:26, Jesus said, “You are looking for me ….. because you ate the loaves and had your fill.”  He reminded them “Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to external life, which the Son of Man will give to you” (John 6:27).  Jesus reminded them that only He Himself can truly satisfy their needs (John 6:35).

6.   Relook at your relationships

Look again at your relationships.  Who are you depending on to meet your needs?  If you depend on your loved ones, friends, work etc to satisfy you, you will be very disappointed because they can’t do it. It is beyond them to satisfy all your needs. But if you look to God to meet your needs, you will find that He can because He is the All Sufficient One, He is the Al Shaddai.

This change in thinking also takes the focus off yourself so that you can fix your eyes on God.  Once you take the focus off yourself you take the ‘me’ out of your question, “What can you do for me?”  When you are taken out of the equation, you will end up looking out for the needs of others (Philippians 2:4) and not just for yourself.

In our next blog, we will talk more about the second question we ask in our relationship –  ” What more is there for me ?”